I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
