I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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