I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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