I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
