It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sobbing to NWA
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
