Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
