Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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