You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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