So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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