It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
