At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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