Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
