you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
