Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
