There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
