Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
