I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
tonight lets celebrate not being married
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
