did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
