so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
where are my eyebrows?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
