3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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