i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I intend to get homeless drunk
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
