He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
