yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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