dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The uberlube is also flammable
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's on the porch naked. Help.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
