Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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