I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
