hell yes lets make some ravioli
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
