Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
