eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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