so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
