whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
