There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
