She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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