there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
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