i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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