How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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