apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
