My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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