We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
