take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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