P.S. I can't hear my feet
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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