best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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