sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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