What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
