well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wear drunk well.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
