My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
