i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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