I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
