it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
