I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
operation harelip BJ is a go
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
