Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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