I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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