I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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