um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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