what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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