Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
