At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize