BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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