When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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