i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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