Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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