His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
