why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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