I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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