I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im holly from the hills drunk
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
