So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
