how can u be prego again
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
