My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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