so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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