At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
