When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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