Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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