u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
