I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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