I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
