I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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