I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
