i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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