My hand turned me down
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
