You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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