is wine microwaveable?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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