i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
this hospital has no fireball
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
