roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Houston, we have a squirter
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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