Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
whose ass print is on the piano?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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