We're facebook friends in real life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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