I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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