I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
